Choosing the Gender of My Therapist

At The Green House, we have therapists that identify as male and female. Therapists share their pronouns, so we know how to address them. We believe it’s important that young people can choose the gender of their therapist if that’s important to them. There is no “right” or “wrong” choice. This blog is here to help you think about what might be most helpful for you, so you can make an informed decision.

What Really Helps in Therapy?

Research shows that the most important part of therapy is the relationship between the young person and the therapist. A young person should feel safe, listened to, respected and understood. These are the things that help to build a good working relationship with a therapist. Therapists of all backgrounds can provide this. However, gender can affect how safe or comfortable someone feels — especially at the start — and that’s okay to consider.

Thinking About Gender and Past Experiences

For some young people, experiences of sexual abuse and assault can strongly affect how they feel about working with a male or female therapist.

• Some believe they are safer with a female therapist
• Some feel more comfortable with a male therapist
• Some don’t feel strongly either way
• Some aren’t sure yet
• It’s normal to have preconceptions, such as:
• “A man won’t understand me”
• “A woman might judge me”
• “I won’t be able to talk about certain things”
• “I’ll feel awkward or embarrassed”
• “They might bring back memories of the person that harmed me”

These thoughts are often based on real-life experiences, things you have heard, or things that have happened to you. Whatever you feel about it, that’s ok. The following section will help you think about the pros and cons so you can choose the best option for you.

Possible Challenges

Sometimes, working with a therapist of a particular gender can feel hard at first. For example:

• You might feel angry with men or distrustful of them
• You might want to talk about sexism, power, or unfair treatment
• You might feel nervous talking about your body, relationships, or trauma
• You might feel scared to be on your own with them

All of these feelings are welcome in therapy. You don’t have to protect your therapist’s feelings or hold back your opinions.

Possible Benefits You Might Not Expect

For some young people, working with a therapist of a different gender can be a positive and healing experience, especially if past experiences have been difficult.

For example:

• A new experience of a man who is safe, respectful, and listens
• Experiencing a woman who doesn’t judge or dismiss your feelings
• Learning that difficult conversations can be handled kindly and safely

This might feel challenging at first but may also help you feel more hopeful about future relationships. It’s worth considering if this could be helpful for you. This doesn’t mean you have to choose this — just that it can sometimes be helpful in ways you might not expect.

You Can Talk About Anything

You can explore any issue you want in therapy, regardless of your therapist’s gender, including:

• Anger or frustration towards men or women
• Experiences of sexism or inequality
• Trauma or abuse
• Questions about identity, relationships, or power
• Wanting to have intimate relationships again

All therapists at The Green House welcome these conversations and are trained to hold them safely and professionally.

You’re not stuck with your choice

You can always try out working with a male or female therapist, even if you feel unsure. If after a few sessions you feel you’d prefer to change, that’s okay. You can ask to see a new therapist. We will always try to support you to find the right fit – it is all part of learning what you need.

Final Thoughts

Hopefully this blog has highlighted that choosing the gender of your therapist is about making the best choice for you. Thinking through the pros and cons can help you feel confident in your choice, and this will help you make a positive start.

Whatever you choose, we’ll do our best to support you and listen to what you need. If you’re unsure, that’s okay too. We can think about it together.