Courageous Conversations

At The Green House, we’re aware that not all parents and carers are able to access our services. As a result, the Family Support Team and the parent and carers from the VOICE project teamed up to share their knowledge, expertise and stories to create these wonderful recordings that can be accessible to all at any time of any day.   

The focus of these audios is to provide you with information about the impacts of childhood sexual abuse and assault but also share how these parents and carers identified the impacts, witnessed and navigated this for themselves, and within their families. 

We are hugely proud of and extremely grateful to both the Family Support Team and the parents and carers for creating these wonderful recordings for you. We hope you find it useful.

If you have a few minutes afterwards, the parents, carers, and Family Support Team would love to hear your feedback.

Please note, no details of sexual harm are discussed and these recordings do not aim to be a ‘road map’.  We know it can be helpful to hear from others. You are not alone. 

Meet The Parents*

*These names are pseudonyms to protect the identities of the parents and carers.

Connie
Mum to a son and daughter, whose daughter disclosed sexual abuse in 2020.
The abuse was from the biological father, so we endured a 9 day trial where he was found  guilty on all counts and sentenced to 20 years. We are all surviving but it’s quite a journey! 

Bill
I’m a dad. Hearing what one of my children had been through and then held for so many years left me heartbroken. The Green House has helped me to better support my children. I hope you can benefit from these conversations about the various journeys we’ve been on. Jane
Busy working mum of 2 kids and 2 dogs.
Likes: Cake, shopping and comedy gigs.
Dislikes: Injustice, the sound of my own voice, and coriander Rachel
Mum of 2, patience of none. 

Jasper
1 child and one previous looked after child
Carer and part time invigilator.
Likes: Football, good music, travel and cooking.
Dislikes: Intolerance and red tape. 

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The Episodes

Episode 1: Help!  I don’t know what to do  

In this episode you will hear from Fran (Family Support Practitioner) and parents Rachel, Connie and Jane talking about trauma, how this affected their child’s behaviour, and steps that helped them manage survival responses.

Contents 

00:00 Introduction 

01:50 Impact of disclosure 

06:16 What is trauma? 

10:32 Trauma and memory 

14:08 Trauma symptoms 

27:38 Survival responses 

34:32 Polyvagal Theory and window of tolerance 

40:42 Parenting after trauma 

53:36 Rupture and repair 

01:01:09 Closing

Episode 2: Life after disclosure:  A parental guide to navigate your new reality

In this episode you will hear from Jasper, Connie and Jane supported by Naomi (Family Support Practitioner) talking about what ‘good enough’ parenting looks like, how children use behaviour as a way to communicate big feelings and the importance of choice for your child, particularly at school.

00:00 Introduction – the foundations of supporting our children 

08:30 Good enough parenting 

19:18 Seeking support and connections 

23:00 Empathy versus sympathy 

29:34 Choice and voice 

32:48 Behaviour and communication 

35:40 School 

38:02 Trauma informed approach 

50:52 Regulation 

1:03:00 Left and right brain 

1:14:14 Two handed parenting 

01:15:08 Closing

Episode 3: Together we mend. Parenting through recovery

00:00 Introduction 

01:04 The impact of disclosure on parents 

11:38 Finding support 

18:38 Grappling with strong and unexpected feelings 

25:14 Regulation 

39:10 Co-regulation 

40:08 Adjusting to a new life path 

43:56 Prevalence of sexual abuse 

46:22 Guilt and shame 

56:48 Self compassion 

01:09:48 Closing

Episode Four: The science bit! Why is my child doing that?

This episode introduces you to some of the main evidence-based theory that explains what happens to the brain and body when someone experiences trauma.  Understanding what is going on can help us to understand some of the emotional and behavioural responses to trauma that we may see in ourselves and our loved ones. 

You can read along with the accompanying slides here

The Family Support Team

Fran

Fran Carter is a Family Support Practitioner at the Green House, she provides support to the families of young people who have experienced sexual trauma as well as advocating for the young person themselves. Fran has worked in the public sector and third sector for over 20 years in areas including criminal justice, substance misuse, domestic abuse, and sexual trauma.  Fran has worked in a variety of settings such as prisons, hospitals, and the community, with people from all ages and backgrounds both on a 121 basis and facilitating group work. Fran has a particular interest in working with women affected by domestic and sexual abuse, as well as people from all backgrounds who are disadvantaged by the inequalities in our society.

Naomi

Naomi is a Family Support Practitioner at The Green House. She has worked for over twenty years supporting families in London. Her experience includes working for the Early Years Service in Camden, London, setting up and running a mental health service user and carer service in Lambeth and supporting refugee and asylum seeking families for a variety of different organisations. Naomi has a particular interest in working with individuals who have been adversely affected by inequality, to improve the choice and control they have over their lives. When not working for The Green House, Naomi enjoys playing music with her small band and getting out into nature to watch and listen to birds!